Calhoun will be the commissioner of the UConnference. He and George Blaney will drive around the country in a 1969 Cadillac DeVille convertible painted in UConn colors. The horn will play the UConn fight song. They will hang a 40' by 40' banner of Jonathan peeing on the school's mascot on the front of all the other schools facilities. They will tell the ADs that they cannot take the banner down because of a secret conference bylaw. When the AD says, "Hey now, Jim, we never agreed to any of this nonsense", Blaney will get in the AD's face and be like "Win a national championship in basketball or STFU!" and then he and Calhoun will high five and walk out. Both of them will have farted like crazy the whole time they were in the ADs' offices and acted like it was nothing. Sometimes they will stop to solve crimes or kill terrorists.
All sandwiches served in the UConnference will be called grinders, only advertisements for Bob's Discount Waterbeds and Big Y supermarkets will be allowed in their facilities and the color commentators for each school will be required to compare a player on their team to John Gwynn, Corny Thompson, Rudy Johnson or Denham Brown at least twice every broadcast. The comparisons have to be legit as judged by chapwilvaug72 or else Earl Kelley gets a clean punch at the announcer's gut. Fans will be mandatorily required to leave all UConnference football games with 10 minutes left on the clock, regardless of the score.
Buckle up, America, UConnference is rolling out!
